The Motivational Café

"It Isn't "Life or Death"."

by Jeff Keller

"I have to do well on this interview and get the job."
"I must close the sale with this prospect."
"My presentation at the meeting tomorrow is the key to my promotion."
"If my partner leaves me, I'll never get over it."

Have you ever said any of these things to yourself, or at least something similar? I think most of us will admit that we have assigned "life-or-death" consequences to certain situations in our lives. Here is the reality:

If you do poorly on the interview and don't get the job, you can still have a very successful career.

If you don't close the sale, you'll have plenty of opportunities to close sales that are even bigger

If your presentation is not effective, you can still advance within your organization or elsewhere.

If your partner does leave you, it will probably be the best thing that ever happened to you.

On some level, we can understand when youngsters assign life-or-death consequences to situations they face. They feel their world is over if they don't make the cheerleading squad or if they aren't selected as the lead in the school play.

These children don't have enough maturity and real-world experience to know better. But why don't we know better as adults? Why are we still blowing things out of proportion, convincing ourselves that our lives will turn on the result of a single event?

Let's examine what happens when we take the life-or-death approach to certain challenges in our lives:

* We increase our stress dramatically. Once we assign life-or-death consequences to an event, we worry endlessly about our performance. We become irritable. We lose sleep. Think back over the last 20 years of your life.

How many times have you attached monumental importance to a single event or outcome? A dozen times? One hundred times? Perhaps a thousand times, if you're honest with yourself. Now, how many of those can you remember today? I'm guessing that not more than one or two events immediately come to mind. You can't even recall what you thought was so crucial to your destiny. By the way, you'll probably also admit that the few events you can recall didn't have life-or-death significance either! We all need to lighten up and realize that single events are not usually life-altering moments.

While anxiety may cause us to prepare more for the event and lead us to perform at a higher level, we could still prepare without torturing ourselves. Furthermore, most people will perform far less effectively under stress.

When you are tense and worried, you're not at your best. The key is to find that place where you can prepare without creating undue pressure on yourself. Easier said than done, I know. However, as you shine the light of awareness on what you are doing, you will find that the stress will slowly lose its grip over you.

* We rob ourselves of the joy in the present moment. The obsession with getting a particular result keeps us focused on the future. We can't be bothered by the present, and so we ignore everything that is happening around us right now. We don't see the sunset. We don't feel the warm breeze. We only feel tension.

Some people will surrender days or months of joy in the present to "prepare" for a few minutes or hours they're going to be spending at some point in the future. This is insane, and the fact that most people act this way does not justify continuing this irrational behavior.

* We overestimate how much control we have over the outcome. It's one thing to expect the best in everything you do. That's a positive, healthy approach to life. We get in trouble, however, when we place too much emphasis on trying to control the outcome.

To begin with, nobody has enough insight to know in advance what the "best" outcome would be. It is quite possible that by not getting what you want, you will succeed on a grander scale. Thus, if you don't get a particular job after having a poor interview, there's an excellent chance you'll land an even better position. We think we know what is best for us; yet we are often wrong.

Time reveals that life had other paths for us to take -- paths for which we are better suited. If we can take that approach from the start, we can save ourselves a lot of aggravation fretting over the outcome. Put yourself in the best position possible to achieve the outcome you want - and then accept whatever outcome you receive. It's about flowing with life, instead of fighting it.

Begin to see the life-or-death approach for what it is - a distortion that saps your energy and prevents you from enjoying the present moment. Lighten up and don't place undue importance on any one outcome. The only regret you'll have is that you didn't take this approach 20 years ago!

Jeff Keller

Attitude is Everything, Inc.

About the Author

Jeff Keller is the President of Attitude is Everything, Inc. For more than 20 years, Jeff has delivered presentations on attitude and motivation to businesses, groups and trade associations throughout the United States and abroad. Jeff is also the author of the highly acclaimed book, "Attitude is Everything" and his new book, "Here's To Your Success".

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